Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
