She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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