please come you make the beer taste better
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
