People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
