Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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