I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My breasts were aching with rage.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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