I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
