dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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