And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
