Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
