anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
