It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
