matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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