I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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