Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
