So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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