I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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