Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
