I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
