She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
