So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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