shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize