Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We're too hungover to prance.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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