i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
