Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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