It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
