Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
