nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
