yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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