I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize