just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
