Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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