is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
