i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
