He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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