Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize