She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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