he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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