omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
