how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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