i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
