if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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