My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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