I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
