Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My pussy is not your playground.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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