Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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