I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
