i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
