Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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