Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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