dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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