idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
