you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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