Plan B is the new Plan A
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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