It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
