Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dignity is for republicans.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
