a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
