If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
