I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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