dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
