cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
