Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
