How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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