He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
