I want to make a zoo with you.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
