i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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