Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
