i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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