Where is the hickey?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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