I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
